Into the Void

I recently joined a Facebook group called “I Don’t care How Comfortable Crocs Are, You Look Like A Dumbass” and quickly sent out invitations to like-minded friends.

From: Facebook
Sent: Saturday, August 16, 2008 5:37 AM
To: Jxxxxxx
Subject: Lxxxxx invited you to join the group “I Dont care How Comfortable Crocs Are, You Look Like A Dumbass

Leslie invited you to join the Facebook group “I Dont care How Comfortable Crocs Are, You Look Like A Dumbass.”.

Leslie says, “These things are a new trend, and preferably worn with a not-quite contrasting outfit. I would rather walk on sticker-balls barefoot than wear a pair of these monstrosities.

My buddy immediately replied:

I have forwarded this message to my friend Rxxx who bought 6 crocs.

I sure hope he wasn’t trying to get into her pants, because the little poseur immediately fired off a Feminist Manifesto based on the concept that feminism isn’t about political or moral values, it’s about shoes. Six pairs of ugly shoes that don’t quite match any of her outfits.

From: Rxxxxxxxx
To: Jxxxxx ; Leslie
Cc: Rxxxxxx
Sent: Monday, August 18, 2008 5:13 PM
Subject: Re: FW: Lxxxxx invited you to join the group “I Dont care How Comfortable Crocs Are, You Look Like A Dumbass

I don’t know how old you are, Lxxxxx, but you obviously do not yet not have to worry about whether shoes are comfortable or not. These shoes weigh almost nothing, wash in soap and water, and because they are seamless, have no edges to poke and are totally foot shaped, as opposed to 98% of women’s shoes that are about 1/2″ (at least) narrower than one’s foot. As you age, Leslie, your feet will spread and you may be more amenable to a shoe that leaves your foot feeling better – due to its little ergonomic bumps in the sole – at the end of the day than at the beginning! I am diabetic and am in love with these shoes.  (and so are a couple of other diabetic friends, in particular).  As to the looks, Crocs do make some more streamlined looking shoes that, although still plastic, have the ‘cute’ factor you obviously crave. The Mary Jane style is a nice compromise, since it is still roomy but is not quite so wide at the front as the original style. And comes in some really interesting colors. They remind me of childhood shoes, which is kind of fun. And great at the beach.
Feminism is not just about bra burning and being pro-choice; it is about being ok in a shoe that some might see as “dumbass”…Beauty, in all things, is in the eye of the beholder, and an eye that sees beauty in functionality and comfort has an evolved kind of vision.
So much for the obnoxious lecture!
Be well. Rxxxxx

My reply.

If you think I was too harsh, I didn’t even hint to her that infantilism is a paraphilia. She’s proud of being an aging Lolita!

51. Men’s 8-1/2 2D sneakers. Very cute and oh so the rage!

So you’ve bought 6 pairs of crocs. That means you can match them to your outfits. A fashionista, are we?

Oh, and mine were made by child slaves in some sweatshop in Asia. Bonus!

I sure hope John wasn’t trying to get into your pants.

Update 8/27:
She seems to be ignoring my answer. BTW, I don’t know whether my New Balance 608s were made in sweatshops or not. It’s about the feet. Maybe Oprah can find out for me.

Photo credit: BrittneyBush